Wow....the last few posts have been down....so I think it is time to be thankful and positive for just a minute or two...
I have a great family. My children have adapted to their lifestyle and have really had some rewarding experiences because of it..
Had we not been a military family:
We would not have been able to travel to almost every place in the United State. We have been through nearly every state and seen things that most people never have the opportunity. We have been forced to camp and learn to survive. Looking back, those were great times. We always made the best of it...we laugh and we get the opportunity to really get to know each other. The forced camping has lead us to some wonderful cabins on the lake.... some tent spots that really have cable... and some traveling in the travel trailer that will not ever be forgotten! We saw a giant frying pan in Washington along the ocean!!
We would not have gotten to live in a motel for six months in Arizona. What family gets to live in a motel with a swimming pool and free breakfast every morning for six months? I don't know many...
We wouldn't have been exposed to the many diverse cultures that we have experienced. We have met so many people and we have been given a gift of understanding and acceptance for others. Not to mention, when we want to take a vacation, we have friends all along the way that we can stop and visit. There are not too many places that we could go and not know someone. Even in other countries!!
We have learned independence. I am not afraid to attend things alone or take on new challenges. My oldest son is attending his 11th school. Can you imagine being able to walk into a new place almost every year. He even goes to church camps every summer in new places by himself. I think this will help him when it does come time to leave home. He will know how to push onward and achieve his goals. He has the ability to adapt! (I can't say that I was very successful at this in my early adult years.)
We definitely have an appreciation for the quality of time we have together thanks to the military. Watching the neighbor get "notice" by the men in "formal" military attire leaves a great appreciation and impression in your heart. We may not have much time together but, we sure try to make it good. We can even look back and laugh about the things that we didn't find so funny at the time.
Oh...I am thankful!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
What is the difference?
Well, let me tell you the difference! People keep saying to me.."you are almost like a single parent." ALMOST? I am a single parent! I am also a military wife! The two together makes life much trickier! The difference between one and the other?
I don't get to choose where I live. How does this affect me and my children? Well, for starters, my ability to earn an income and be selective about the type of work I do is non existent. Would I choose to live in Tennessee and provide mental health services? Not a chance!! Trust me the south is not known for it's ability to treat behavioral health issues. Not to mention, I could make the same pay at the local grocery store being a clerk that I can make with a Masters Degree! Like I said before, I don't do it for the money..especially not here!
As a single parent I could make a decision where to go and then stay there for the rest of my life. As a military wife, I could move again tomorrow. I have no stability! Even as a single parent, I would have some control over what I am doing.
Here is the big one! How do you think it works each and every time he does come home. After 6 months or a year or even 3 weeks? Talk about an adjustment. As a single parent, I could protect my children from how another person would affect their life. As a military wife, they just have to go through the adjustment with me. We get into a routine and find a way to make things work only to have it turned around in a flash. I correct the children and have expectations that they adjust to. And then....here comes dad...he is trying to find where he fits in and wow...the fireworks begin....He wants to parent. I want him not to parent. Then on the other hand, dad is all fun and games...and then I am the kill joy! To even attempt to balance the situation is ridiculous.
As a military wife, there is no control of any aspect of your life. As a single parent, I could make more stable choices. I could be in control and provide consistency. Expectations could still be set.
However, I am a MILITARY WIFE and a single parent so I live with my choices and I try to provide the best that I can. It is like a never ending roller coaster! There are highs and lows and times when you just want to vomit...but you keep in going....someday the ride will be over!! I just keep telling myself that..
I don't want to complain but, as we grow, we learn how our choices have shaped who we become. Did I think about these issues when I was 19 and got married to a soldier! No Way!! I was out exploring the world and having a great time! Could I forsee where I was headed? I think I put the blinders on..they served a purpose at the time. Now I say? What in the world was I thinking?....maybe I wasn't!
You know, I wonder what kind of roller coaster it will be when we actually do retire and the military is not such a big part of our lives. Do you think I will miss it?
I don't get to choose where I live. How does this affect me and my children? Well, for starters, my ability to earn an income and be selective about the type of work I do is non existent. Would I choose to live in Tennessee and provide mental health services? Not a chance!! Trust me the south is not known for it's ability to treat behavioral health issues. Not to mention, I could make the same pay at the local grocery store being a clerk that I can make with a Masters Degree! Like I said before, I don't do it for the money..especially not here!
As a single parent I could make a decision where to go and then stay there for the rest of my life. As a military wife, I could move again tomorrow. I have no stability! Even as a single parent, I would have some control over what I am doing.
Here is the big one! How do you think it works each and every time he does come home. After 6 months or a year or even 3 weeks? Talk about an adjustment. As a single parent, I could protect my children from how another person would affect their life. As a military wife, they just have to go through the adjustment with me. We get into a routine and find a way to make things work only to have it turned around in a flash. I correct the children and have expectations that they adjust to. And then....here comes dad...he is trying to find where he fits in and wow...the fireworks begin....He wants to parent. I want him not to parent. Then on the other hand, dad is all fun and games...and then I am the kill joy! To even attempt to balance the situation is ridiculous.
As a military wife, there is no control of any aspect of your life. As a single parent, I could make more stable choices. I could be in control and provide consistency. Expectations could still be set.
However, I am a MILITARY WIFE and a single parent so I live with my choices and I try to provide the best that I can. It is like a never ending roller coaster! There are highs and lows and times when you just want to vomit...but you keep in going....someday the ride will be over!! I just keep telling myself that..
I don't want to complain but, as we grow, we learn how our choices have shaped who we become. Did I think about these issues when I was 19 and got married to a soldier! No Way!! I was out exploring the world and having a great time! Could I forsee where I was headed? I think I put the blinders on..they served a purpose at the time. Now I say? What in the world was I thinking?....maybe I wasn't!
You know, I wonder what kind of roller coaster it will be when we actually do retire and the military is not such a big part of our lives. Do you think I will miss it?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Looks like Rain Again!
Well, The FRG (family readiness group) has been making contact with every military spouse updating information for the upcoming deployment to Iraq again. I am grateful that we at least get the holidays together again. Our oldest will be in 11th grade and driving and our youngest will be in 1st grade when their father returns. It is hard to think about. You just don't get that time back. I often feel like I've missed out on so much with them, I just can't imagine. I know that my husband does it for his country and his family. I know it is honorable however, I am to the point that I don't want to share anymore. I don't want it to be "MY" family. I really don't want it to be anyones family.
I know what people are going to say," if we wouldn't have gone in ..in the first place." Bull! He would have been away for trainings and exercises regardless. And now, can you imagine leaving a country to fend for themselves after what they have been through? The question is not should we have gone in..it is what can we do for their people now? Would you simply walk away?
I am enjoying being a stay at home mom. I am taking care of myself and getting some things done that I should have done long ago. These days are numbered I am sure. I have been contacted about being a family counselor. I think it will be challenging position. I am sure it will also be rewarding. Eventually, I will be able to work from home and schedule my own sessions. I am sure it will be evenings and late calls here and there. Nothing that I can't handle. Have you ever had the opportunity to make a real difference in the life of a family? It is truely amazing. That is the pay off in the behavioral health field. There is no other reason.
Thank goodness that my children have family here that are willing to step up and care for them. It is good for them to spend time and build relationships with their family. They have never had the opportunity before. I sorta feel like I don't want to work because I want to be able to be there for everything. I have a hard time letting them go. They have always depended on me. We are all we have ever had. I didn't realize how much I depended on them. They are my rock, my entertainment, my drive...they are my everything...I know that it will benefit our family in many ways for me to work. I need to start letting go a little bit and allow other relationships to grow. Relationships in my professional life and in their lives can only add to our life journey.
Every relationship we enter into in our lives somehow affects us. Even if it is very teeny tiny. Sometimes they are very distrubing relationships, sometimes they may appear to mean nothing at the time and other times they are very rewarding from the onset. There is such a range. If we really think about it, even the tough ones that we sometimes wish we didn't have to endure are the most powerful tools used to create who we have become. Once healing begins, they have a place on our brain shelf of important information. We have the ability to identify these situations and turn them around in our lives to make them useful. I often consider them blessings once I can heal. They are wounds that with proper care can be cleansed and healed properly only leaving behind the minor scar that reminds us not to go there again!
Anyway, I am off to enjoy the rest of my day!
I know what people are going to say," if we wouldn't have gone in ..in the first place." Bull! He would have been away for trainings and exercises regardless. And now, can you imagine leaving a country to fend for themselves after what they have been through? The question is not should we have gone in..it is what can we do for their people now? Would you simply walk away?
I am enjoying being a stay at home mom. I am taking care of myself and getting some things done that I should have done long ago. These days are numbered I am sure. I have been contacted about being a family counselor. I think it will be challenging position. I am sure it will also be rewarding. Eventually, I will be able to work from home and schedule my own sessions. I am sure it will be evenings and late calls here and there. Nothing that I can't handle. Have you ever had the opportunity to make a real difference in the life of a family? It is truely amazing. That is the pay off in the behavioral health field. There is no other reason.
Thank goodness that my children have family here that are willing to step up and care for them. It is good for them to spend time and build relationships with their family. They have never had the opportunity before. I sorta feel like I don't want to work because I want to be able to be there for everything. I have a hard time letting them go. They have always depended on me. We are all we have ever had. I didn't realize how much I depended on them. They are my rock, my entertainment, my drive...they are my everything...I know that it will benefit our family in many ways for me to work. I need to start letting go a little bit and allow other relationships to grow. Relationships in my professional life and in their lives can only add to our life journey.
Every relationship we enter into in our lives somehow affects us. Even if it is very teeny tiny. Sometimes they are very distrubing relationships, sometimes they may appear to mean nothing at the time and other times they are very rewarding from the onset. There is such a range. If we really think about it, even the tough ones that we sometimes wish we didn't have to endure are the most powerful tools used to create who we have become. Once healing begins, they have a place on our brain shelf of important information. We have the ability to identify these situations and turn them around in our lives to make them useful. I often consider them blessings once I can heal. They are wounds that with proper care can be cleansed and healed properly only leaving behind the minor scar that reminds us not to go there again!
Anyway, I am off to enjoy the rest of my day!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Been awhile
Well, yes...I have been absent for some time. Really processing where I have been and where I am going in my life. I feel like being a military wife has somehow made me less deserving of belonging...anywhere. We have given everything and in return we are lost people. I find myself wanting to be that person that has lived in the same community for 20 years and is surrounded by their family. Their kids grow up knowing their family and spending time with them. Their friends are built in. The securities of everyday are just a given. You are comfortable in your surroundings. You know where you are going literally and figuratively. You have a life outside of military installations and pcs orders. You plan for long term by buying a home and unpacking your boxes. I on the other hand by a home and figure out how to keep paying for it when the time comes for the army to move us again. I never unpack what we don't absolutely need because it just makes more work later when it is time to pack again.
Why do I buy a home? It is simple. I want that security that everyone else seems to have. I want to belong somewhere. I want my children to have a "room" that is for them and no one else. Obviously, that sounds all well and fine but, it doesn't work. It is not home, we don't live there long and eventually, we are left with the responsibility of a rental house that someone else is calling home. Two houses later, I am finally figuring it out. Yes, we are still paying out of pocket each month for that house because I am a hard head and I have to figure it out for myself. Meanwhile, I am living in someone elses house and paying their mortgage too.
I am sad when I think that we have no community, no friends, no security, no place when our children leave that they will call home. I just don't think that most people understand the sacrafice that our families make. Yes, we could have gotten out but can you really just throw 16 years of work down the toilet? I don't think that it would make sense to do so. That is the only thing that we keep holding on to for security and that doesn't say much...retirement is coming..just not fast enough.
We have given so much and we continue to give. I raise my children alone. They are proud of their father. They don't really understand at their age why we can't be like other people. I guess I don't really understand it either. We are a special family. We have learned to pull together and take advantage of all of the little things we are given. We have a great appreciation for the people that have touched our lives. Believe it or not, there are few. It is like you know so many people and have so many "friends" yet when it comes down to it, you are on your own.
I am proud of my husband. I am sad for my kids. I am torn between who I have become and who I want to be. I like myself but know that I can be more.
I see my family every other year or every third year maybe. There is no guarantee. You see, I cannot find employment. I have a Masters Degree but because we move regularly, I have no job consistency and it seemed more important to be available to my children each time that we moved to a new, unfamiliar location so I don't have the experience or the retention that is expected. People don't care about the circumstance and they surely don't understand the life that we have lived.
I don't have the income to travel. There are three of us that would need to travel. Money like that on a soldiers income is just not possible. I wanted to contribute to my children in so many ways. One of those was financially. They watched me struggle through school. They struggled with me. We relied on each other to get through. We did it. Now, they watch me struggle financially because at this point my education hasn't carried me through all of the transitions. We cannot afford to do many of the things that we have wanted. We get by though and we have what we need. We are thankful for that and we do count our blessings for what we do have everyday.
Why do I buy a home? It is simple. I want that security that everyone else seems to have. I want to belong somewhere. I want my children to have a "room" that is for them and no one else. Obviously, that sounds all well and fine but, it doesn't work. It is not home, we don't live there long and eventually, we are left with the responsibility of a rental house that someone else is calling home. Two houses later, I am finally figuring it out. Yes, we are still paying out of pocket each month for that house because I am a hard head and I have to figure it out for myself. Meanwhile, I am living in someone elses house and paying their mortgage too.
I am sad when I think that we have no community, no friends, no security, no place when our children leave that they will call home. I just don't think that most people understand the sacrafice that our families make. Yes, we could have gotten out but can you really just throw 16 years of work down the toilet? I don't think that it would make sense to do so. That is the only thing that we keep holding on to for security and that doesn't say much...retirement is coming..just not fast enough.
We have given so much and we continue to give. I raise my children alone. They are proud of their father. They don't really understand at their age why we can't be like other people. I guess I don't really understand it either. We are a special family. We have learned to pull together and take advantage of all of the little things we are given. We have a great appreciation for the people that have touched our lives. Believe it or not, there are few. It is like you know so many people and have so many "friends" yet when it comes down to it, you are on your own.
I am proud of my husband. I am sad for my kids. I am torn between who I have become and who I want to be. I like myself but know that I can be more.
I see my family every other year or every third year maybe. There is no guarantee. You see, I cannot find employment. I have a Masters Degree but because we move regularly, I have no job consistency and it seemed more important to be available to my children each time that we moved to a new, unfamiliar location so I don't have the experience or the retention that is expected. People don't care about the circumstance and they surely don't understand the life that we have lived.
I don't have the income to travel. There are three of us that would need to travel. Money like that on a soldiers income is just not possible. I wanted to contribute to my children in so many ways. One of those was financially. They watched me struggle through school. They struggled with me. We relied on each other to get through. We did it. Now, they watch me struggle financially because at this point my education hasn't carried me through all of the transitions. We cannot afford to do many of the things that we have wanted. We get by though and we have what we need. We are thankful for that and we do count our blessings for what we do have everyday.
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